I don't need a purpose, I'm a person.

I don’t need a porpoise, I’m a dolphin. (Image by Ildigo)

Certain ideas can trick us into thinking that they are truths of the universe, even though they were invented by some dude somewhere.

For example, some brief research on Wikipedia suggests that the idea of a soulmate goes back to Plato — and maybe the word itself can be credited to Coleridge? (Citation needed.) And yet how many people have agonized over their missing soulmate, even to the point of dissatisfaction with a perfectly good partner, because they believe that soulmates exist and they haven’t found theirs yet?

There’s nothing wrong with you if you haven’t found your soulmate. That’s because soulmates aren’t a real thing.

If it helps you to believe in soulmates, knock yourself out. But if it stops being helpful, let it go. You could instead believe that it’s possible to connect deeply with a number of different people, and you can choose one to build a life with.

With that context in mind, let’s tackle something even more destructive: The idea that your life has a single, defined purpose, and it’s your mission to discover what that is.

This is — how do I put it nicely? — a load of crap.

Certainly, it helps to believe that you are alive for a reason. The Bahá’í Faith tells us that “All men have been created to carry forward an ever-advancing civilization.” That works for me. There are lots of ways of finding meaning in our lives, and many ways of measuring a life well-lived.

However, finding meaning in our lives is not the same as trying to find a specific purpose for our own individual life. The beauty and magic of our lives cannot and should not be reduced to a cosmic Easter egg hunt, but that’s where so much well-meaning advice is oriented:

“Each of us has a unique gift.”

“Everybody has their God-given purpose!”

“It’s time to discover your life’s purpose.”

When we believe that there’s some magical purpose out there for us, it distorts our perceptions of the life we’re actually living.

Tried playing an instrument but didn’t get a good sound out of it? That must not be your life’s purpose.

Been trying for months and still not pregnant? You must not be meant to be a mother.

Math doesn’t come easily, but painting does? Maybe art is your life’s purpose! But is it oils or watercolors? How do you know what God has in mind!?

If we believe that we’re on a hunt for our purpose until we find it, we will rationalize our experiences to fit the narrative we have. We might feel anxiety (“What if my life’s purpose is to wash dishes at Shoney’s?”) or frustration (“I’m twenty-three! Surely I should have discovered my purpose by now!”).

All of this drama is needless. It’s much easier to take life a day at a time, evaluate the opportunities you have, consider your preferences, and continue to make your way by making choices and assessing the results.

You can even let go completely, eliminating all sense of striving and simply drifting in the breeze of your existence.

There is no right or wrong way to do it — there is only what works for you and your values. There is no divine scorekeeper tracking how close you come to your predetermined destiny and potential. None of that is real.

Your life has value because you are a human being. You are worthy because you are you, exactly as you are. You don’t have anything to prove.

Have you begun exploring a passion for metalwork, learning foreign languages, filmmaking, history, or science? That’s great! Enjoy it. Make a career of it if you choose. But it’s not your purpose in life.

On the other hand, if you find yourself bored or disengaged, you don’t need anything so lofty as discovering your purpose in life. Instead, you could simply find something you enjoy doing. It doesn’t have to be your purpose. You don’t even have to be good at it. Doing it for the sake of doing it is enough.

Maybe you have decided on a clear purpose for your life. If that focuses you, very well. For most of us, we will find that we benefit from the freedom and flexibility of being able to make choices without worrying about whether they are the right ones. You don’t have one, God-given gift and one predetermined purpose in life — you are a human being, free to explore and make mistakes and learn and grow. That’s purpose enough.