When you have to do something you don’t want to do

Most of Vance’s job was to sit in the dark and wait. That is one of the most difficult jobs I can imagine. (Library of Congress photo)

Some days, the work is so hard.

Everything you try to undertake makes you feel like the embodiment of one of those paparazzi photos of Ben Affleck smoking through the ennui of existence.* It all feels so heavy.

I’m having fewer days like this now that the receding pandemic has lightened my everyday life. However, when I’m working on a big, ugly project, these feelings of weariness or overwhelm can still arise. I have significantly improved in my ability to persist and push through when it’s necessary, and I wanted to share some ideas with you.

Obviously, old standbys like coffee and walks around the block can help you perk up. I’m talking about what to do when you’ve tried all of that and it didn’t do the trick.

The first thing you need to do is allow yourself compassion. It’s okay to feel tired, frustrated, lonely, anxious, bored, or any other sensation or emotion. We’re not trying to smother it or escape it. We’re just trying to work with it (or perhaps around it).

This compassion extends to your own choices. For instance, maybe you’ve been putting off this work for weeks and it’s starting to cause problems. The more you can forgive yourself for your past behavior, the easier it will be to start making progress.

Next, you need to be able to identify when you’re “on” and when you’re “not on.” We all know that it’s possible to sit at your laptop for hours and not accomplish any actual work. In order to get the work done as painlessly as possible, you must figure out and be honest with yourself about the difference.

Being “not on” usually means doing something other than what your intended task is. For instance, when you’re checking Slack or Facebook or the weather, you’re not writing your proposal. Importantly, you’re allowed to consider time you spend doing nothing (i.e., thinking, staring off into space disconsolately) as time “on.” Often, this “nothing” is the painful, hard work we’re trying to avoid when we start switching tabs and checking feeds.

Once you know when you are “on,” you can start looking at the work to be done and estimating how long you think it will take. Be sure to include the prep time and thinking time in your estimate.

From here, you can proceed in one of two ways: You can commit to completing a specific task no matter how long it takes, or you can choose to spend a certain amount of time on a task, earning sweet relief when the time is up.

Your choice will be based on what you’re trying to accomplish. For instance, if I need to finish a proposal by tomorrow and I estimate that it will take two hours, I can’t knock off at the two-hour mark if it’s not done. I have to keep going until it is complete. On the other hand, if I have a huge box of papers that I’ve already been putting off filing for months or years, it might make more sense to chip away at it in twenty minutes a day.

I dread the horror and misery of having to finish a project today, no matter how long it takes. For that reason, I try to find ways to break down such a project into smaller pieces that can be completed on different days, even if the divisions are a bit arbitrary or artificial. The prospect of an all-nighter scares me enough to prevent procrastination. I know that not everyone is this way, but the torture of an unpleasant task, for me, is compounded by its urgency. I will do whatever it takes to avoid that.

After contemplating the approach you’d like to take with your work, you are ready for my most precious, magical tactic: Using timers and stopwatches to mark “time on task.” Measuring time in this way makes the work feel real to me in a way that nothing else does, especially when the end result of my effort is digital or otherwise has no tangible form.

What you’re going to do is not the classic Pomodoro technique, where you work in twenty-five minute blocks. Again, if that worked for us today, we wouldn’t be here. No, on a day like this, twenty-five minutes is an eternity. Instead, try an embarrassingly small amount of time: three minutes or even less. Set the timer, see what you get done, try again. Alternatively, you can start a stopwatch and see how long you can work before you want to look at the clock and see how long it’s been. (Looking at the clock, by the way, is not “time on”, so you’ll stop the stopwatch when it happens.)

If you’re using a timer, mark the amount of time you spent. Evaluate how it felt. Did the timer interrupt you? Or were you relieved when it went off? Use this information to set the timer again, either for the same amount of time or slightly longer or shorter depending on what you feel you can handle. Then, after a moment (not really a break, just a second to catch your breath), start the timer. If you’re using a stopwatch, press the “lap” button so you can compare your "time on” for this second round.

Again and again, use your device to carefully track your “time on” and the feelings you’re experiencing. You may well hit a groove where you’re able to work for longer and longer periods without exhaustion. You may periodically take actual breaks of a few minutes here and there. Notice how your motivation increases with each successful dive into the work.

Eventually, you will hit a point where you want to decrease the length of your rounds. You might even hit a wall of exhaustion that necessitates a longer break. At that point, add up all of the minutes of work and take stock. You’re doing it, a few minutes at a time. You’re doing the work. Good job!

One of the reasons that this works so well—for adults and for kids, by the way—is that it totally distracts us from whether we want to do the work and simply gives us a framework for doing it. We then pay attention to the framework, making a game out of measuring our “time on.” The work still gets done, but it’s no longer as threatening.

On a good day, you don’t need any of these gimmicks and you can just sit down and do the work. However, this is not a good day. And that’s okay. Using this plan, you can work around your low energy and do the things you need to do, celebrating the tiny wins that you are able to create. As you do so, you might find that the day turns out better than you thought it would. You might experience a bit of momentum and satisfaction that carry you forward with less effort and exhaustion. At the very least, you might allow yourself to feel a sense of pride that you were able to gently and humanely make progress toward your most important goals. Your last task of the day will be to find a way to honor your commitment and perseverance. You deserve it.

* Tell ya what, you google it and tell me your favorite.