Goals vs. outcomes
The horizon never gets closer, and the sun always travels with you.
Sometimes, we get attached to a particular goal that we think we have to reach.
Perhaps this goal has been with us for so long that we don’t even question whether it is something we want to achieve -- it’s become our destiny.
The “why” behind a goal like this might be simply, “Because I feel like it.” Sometimes, asking “why” becomes an obstacle to doing something challenging (“I have to figure out why I have this resistance to asking for a raise”) or a needless distraction (“I have to figure out why I don’t like going to kids’ birthday parties”) or can only become clearer as you move forward (“Why do I love Busby Berkley musicals so much?”). In those cases, just do what you know you need to do, or stop doing the thing you don’t want to do, or do the thing you want to do. Knowing why isn’t necessarily a prerequisite for anything.
But in other cases, asking why is very useful. It’s especially useful when our goal, without the “why,” is arbitrary. In fact, asking “why” might help us to more easily reach the outcome we’re actually looking for.
For example, suppose I have a goal of reaching 10,000 followers on Instagram. Why do I want this? It could be because I want to quit my day job and earn money as an influencer. It could be because I have an important message to spread. Or, it could be because I want to be more confident in myself.
When we examine each of these outcomes, we discover that there might actually be a much better way to reach them than striving directly for the goal we had set. For example, we might instead set a goal of a certain dollar amount that we wish to earn as an influencer. We might spread our message in venues other than Instagram. Or we might enroll in a public speaking course or club to build our confidence. Each of these outcomes is irrelevant to reaching precisely 10,000 followers on Instagram; in fact, focusing on that goal may take us away from the end result we’re truly seeking.
Goals and targets are nice because they are easy to measure. The problem is that they might not actually be in alignment with our desired results -- that is, the future we want to experience. Getting straight A’s doesn’t necessarily mean you’ve learned more, hitting a certain income level won’t necessarily make you happier, and winning a gold medal in the Olympics won’t necessarily make you feel loved.
To set effective goals, then, we need to think about the outcome that we really want and work backward to find a goal that will help us get there. Then, the goal won’t be arbitrary -- it will be right in line with what we want out of life.
Some goals and outcomes are automatically matched. For instance, perhaps you want to learn how to play Chopin’s Nocturne in E-flat because you’ve always loved listening to it. Even if you’re starting from scratch, a goal like that can keep you motivated through years of piano lessons, and it also helps focus your work. You might play other, easier works in a similar vein as part of your preparation. The joy of playing the piece is its own reward for the hard work of getting there, and the hard work is satisfying because it fits neatly with the goal itself. In a sense, it is the goal: day by day, you’re playing a little more of the piece and experiencing the magic of it.
However, some goals and outcomes are not a natural fit. I often see people set goals like, “I’m going to learn all 21 Chopin nocturnes by 2025” or “I’m going to play Chopin’s Nocturne in E-flat in front of 1,000 people.” Thus begins a grim and grueling journey that might be less about the intrinsic joy of playing the music and more about proving that they can do something. They’re looking for a certain status -- to be a member of an elite club.
I assert that such goals are much less satisfying than they seem. If you’re not enjoying the process, it’s just not worth the work you have to put in. Even the achievement itself will feel hollow -- it won’t really change anything about the way you feel about yourself. If you were looking for a sense of worthiness, you won’t feel it unless that’s a feeling you’ve practiced all along.
If you love the music, great! But you don’t have to be a completist about it. It is not a failure if you decide after learning three nocturnes that you want to take up some Bach. If the desired outcome is to enjoy the music, we can do that without the pressure of a big, impressive goal. And if the desired outcome is status, that’s when we need to figure out why we want it and see if there might be a more direct way of getting our specific needs met, lest we spend months or years working toward a goal that isn’t going to get us where we want to be.
Every once in a while, a big goal might get us to challenge ourselves in fresh ways and do things that otherwise would be a little too scary or uncomfortable. But even then, it’s still not really about the goal -- it’s much more about the process. It’s about developing the habits and practices that we can rely on. It’s about becoming the person we want to be, today, regardless of the exact target we set for the future. Even the outcomes we seek can change as we learn more about who we are and what we want. That self-knowledge is a valuable outcome in itself.
