Full of yourself

You have to enter the beauty contest if you want to win it. (State Library and Archives of Florida)

If I asked you right now to tell me what you’re really good at or point out a few things you’ve made or accomplished that you’re really proud of, how difficult would that be for you?

Would you be able to state your strengths and accomplishments plainly, without any attempt to minimize them?

Many of us struggle with this. We’re afraid to appear conceited…and maybe afraid of actually becoming conceited.

Nobody likes a braggart, it’s true. But which generation can we blame for making us reluctant to even acknowledge our strengths?

Here’s the thing about braggarts: They are trying desperately to impress others, which stems from their own insecurity. They don’t know how to establish a genuine connection, so they attempt to create one through bragging. Concerned about their lack of status, they try to build it up artificially.

Is that your problem? I don’t think so. But refusing to clearly acknowledge our skills and strengths is another marker of insecurity, one that equally impairs our ability to connect authentically.

A critical part of learning is to observe and build upon that which is going well. When we are uncomfortable doing this, it distorts our results and obscures our path forward. When we downplay an instance of excellent performance as, just “okay” or dismiss our successes as “luck” in an effort to avoid appearing boastful or “getting a big head,” we are losing out on valuable feedback that tells us, “do it again, the way you just did it,” or “you’re on the right track.”

What’s more, we’re losing out on the good feelings that come from doing something well. We’re cutting off the positive reinforcement that makes us want to continue.

This may make us feel virtuous, but it’s actually a good way to get out of making a positive contribution to others. When we won’t allow ourselves to feel good about our performance, we might withhold further attempts. We don’t like our art, so we stop making it. We’re uncomfortable putting ourselves out there with a new idea — someone might think that we think we’re soooo great — so we quit.

Ironically, by being unable to acknowledge our good work, we are preventing ourselves from reaching a high level of performance. We’re losing out on the practice, the experience, and the connections. We might have the potential to be amazing, but our false humility keeps us average.

To break out of this, go ahead and be full of yourself. Find a trusted mentor who will not be threatened by you or judge you. With that person, practice talking about what you’re good at, and resist the temptation to balance it by talking about what you’re bad at. Share your dreams and ambitions. Take action and celebrate your accomplishments, no matter how small…and no matter how big. The right person will challenge you to be even bigger, bolder, and will not let you apologize for doing so.

We might as well be full of ourselves — who else should we be full of? The mean teacher we had in fourth grade who said we were bad at math? The boss we had whose lips grew tight whenever we contributed an idea? I don’t think so.

Take up space. Be confident in who you are and what you can uniquely contribute. With that kind of confidence, you’re in a position to return the favor by helping someone else to grow and realize their potential. Contrary to what we may believe when we’re thinking small, the bigger we get, the more room we have for others to join us. Being “full of ourselves” might just expand our capacity.

So what are you great at? What could you be great at if you allowed yourself to be? I dare you to share. If you don’t feel comfortable writing a public comment, click the “contact” link above.