Choosing a priority

“Okay, fine! You can have the tablet back. But if I hear any arguing about whose turn it is, it’s going away again.”

Many parents are faced with the impossible task of being parent, teacher, and employee, all at the same time. Mercifully, the “teacher” role is soon to end, but the overwhelm has taken its toll already.

Whenever there are two or more things to do at once, we might bounce, like a human pinball, back and forth from one to the other. Which one is the loudest? Which one is the most insistent? Which one is the whiniest? With so many pings and people vying for our attention at any given moment, we quickly become overloaded. How can we possibly function?

There’s too much to do and not enough time — so we have to accept that we’re not going to be able to do it all (or do it all well). We have to simplify. We have to choose a priority.

We might do this by finding just one thing to accomplish, even if we can only give our attention to it in short bursts. Ideally, we could put our effort into something that gives us leverage — it makes everything else easier. Gary Keller, in his book The ONE Thing, asks, “What’s the ONE Thing I can do such that by doing it everything else will be easier or unnecessary?”

For many of us, even in non-pandemic times, that ONE thing is sleep. If we sleep adequately, we will be healthier, less irritable, less hungry, better able to concentrate, and better able to deal with whatever life throws at us. It’s a miracle drug that brings the clarity and well-being that allows us to tackle big challenges.

And yet, sleep is what we sacrifice when we get overwhelmed and try to fit everything in — and then we have no energy to tackle big challenges. We have it backward.

I had my priorities backward for a long time. I did whatever was asked of me instead of choosing what was most important to me. I felt unfulfilled and stuck. Then, I started writing regularly. Because writing every day was my priority, I did that first. And with this commitment to sharing my ideas, everything changed. I actually had more energy for other people and a greater capacity for dealing with life’s challenges.

I’ll tell you: I got way behind on email. For like a year. But it was worth it!

Meanwhile, in my personal life, I prioritized a project that didn’t work out despite a lot of effort. But that was worth it, too, even though it was painful. I sleep easier, knowing that I was focused on what mattered most.

Whatever we choose in life, there will always be an opportunity cost: The road not taken. But when we try to do everything, we’re like a train that continues forward instead of taking one of the branching paths that gently swerves left or right ahead. We get off track.

I don’t know how to solve the problem of trying to get work done with kids at home. My heart especially goes out to those single parents. But I know that even five minutes of completely closing the laptop and turning off notifications can do wonders for my psyche, and that kids can handle a little salutary neglect.

When we accept our limitations, we have to make hard decisions about what we will get done and what we will forgo. Every time we do this, we learn more about who we are and what we value. Over time, this may lead us to a position of greater strength and resolve in our lives. At the very least, it will make us better rested. Here’s hoping!