Are others depending on you to take care of them or lead them?

There’s nothing more important than raising a child. (Nationaal Archief of the Netherlands, 1946)

In observing various reactions to our current circumstances, I’ve noticed a few patterns.

There are those who advocate for slowing down, conserving energy, and doing less.

And there are those who challenge us to push forward, seek opportunities to contribute, and make a mark.

These messages are meant for different audiences. Which one are you in?

If you have people depending on you to take care of them, you are in the first group. You probably don’t have a lot of energy to spare. Whether your care-taking is in a professional or personal capacity, it will exhaust your capacity. When you’re not actively working to keep one or more elderly people safe and comfortable, nurturing your children, or tending to the sick or disabled, the highest and best use of your time is to rest and relax.

On the other hand, if you have people depending on you to lead them, you’re in the second group. You can’t just show up. You’ve got to think ahead, pay attention to trends, and make tough choices, many of which will impact others. You’ve got to find new ways of engaging people and helping them to connect with each other. You must help others advocate for themselves, take care of themselves, and get the support they need. You’ve got to communicate complex ideas clearly and difficult decisions sensitively. You've got plan multiple possible paths and be ready to act on any of them. You might be able to get away with not doing these things, but then you’ll no longer be a leader people can depend on.

For people in the first group, like parents, health care workers, and many of those classified as essential workers, it is desirable and necessary for them to conserve any energy and well-being they have. For me, though, it’s imperative to use it while it lasts. As a teacher, coach, and leader of an organization, I’m in the second group. I’m actively trying to come up with new approaches to helping people learn and grow, improved processes for the teachers I work with, stronger support for my employees, and better ways of meeting the needs of parents. I’m not taking care of any of these people — I’m leading them. It’s an important distinction.

Many of the people in the first group are used to having a lot more help than they do right now, allowing them to do more in a day than focus on taking care of others. And many in the second group don’t even need to lead under normal circumstances — they can coast along in with status quo, participating in bureaucracy and never being in a position to change anything or respond to changes. But right now, with things shaken up as they are, we may have to accept the part we are playing. We can’t do it all — and we have different choices than we usually do.

There will, of course, be some overlap: A mother might lead her kids through an activity that nurtures their nascent leadership skills, like making masks for others or creating signs to cheer the neighbors. A nurse might lead a team of nurses even as she is tending patients directly. Good leadership is ultimately about serving others anyway.

That said, having clarity about your primary purpose is helpful in those moments where you’re frustrated that you can’t do all that you wish you could, or you’re seeing someone else’s efforts as more meaningful than your own. Perhaps you can find peace with the group you find yourself in; both are critical, and each is valuable.