Not worrying about being smart
She may be the wiser one, but I have hands. (Image by Jean van der Meulen)
I am participating in a longitudinal study: What happens if a person doesn’t worry about whether they’re smart or not?
Granted, I'm the only one participating in this study. But that doesn't mean we can't learn something from the results.
I'm not saying that I don't care if I'm smart. It's just that, at a very early age, I developed enough confidence in my intelligence and capability to carry me through pretty much the rest of my life. And nobody close to me questioned that. Therefore, I have spent almost no time worrying about whether I'm smart or not.
Here's what my lack of anxiety about my smartness has given me:
I try new stuff without getting mad if I'm not good at it right away.
I ask questions when I don't know something.
I express my opinion.
I do hard things without wondering whether they're really hard, or just hard because I'm stupid.
I believe I can do the thing, so I do it.
It doesn't matter whether my beliefs about myself are accurate or not. The benefit of the beliefs I hold, over the decades, seem to far outweigh any risk presented by self-delusion. Since it works, I keep doing it the way I'm doing it.
Now, I know I'm not good at everything. There's plenty of stuff I'm not good at. But I don't beat myself up for it. I don't blame myself for my deficiencies. My value as a person isn't on the line if I just don't seem to be succeeding in a particular area. I'm not looking for proof that I'm stupid. I'm just being a person.
Over the years, I've observed many people who are participating in a much larger longitudinal study about what happens when you are constantly insecure about your intelligence. It is much less fun. These folks don't like doing things that they aren't good at — which means that they miss out on a lot of learning — and they are constantly comparing themselves to other people, looking for proof that they measure up (or don't). It takes up a lot of time and energy.
The truth is, there is no objective measure of intelligence. Plus, there are a lot of different ways to be smart. Teaching middle school has reminded me of that over and over. What someone lacks in writing skill, for instance, they might make up for in spatial ability, social skills, or number sense. They might be able to learn sophisticated knots quickly and easily. They might have exceptional ease with people. Most of us have something that we take for granted because we're great at it. The fact that we take it for granted doesn't mean it's not valuable.
The idea that there is no judge is unsettling to many of us. We want to be sure that we pass the test. But there is no test, so we can never be sure. Two human beings can't really be compared to each other. We are who we are.
Therefore, the only way that we can really find security is to choose it for ourselves. We can decide that we like who we are and we are smart enough. I can't tell you exactly how to do that, but I can tell you how life is when you do. It's fun and interesting.
If you would like to participate in my study, you can. See what happens if you stop worrying about whether you're smart and just do the things you would do if you were smart. At worst, you'll be delusional and other people will cringe around you. But that's okay because you won't notice. At best, you might be genuinely happy.
