Always and never

Whether a dog turns out to be an irritating nuisance or a pleasant companion comes down to training. (Image by Winsker)

I tend to have trouble sticking to a routine.

I thought this was a personality trait. Ironically, though, it’s a habit: a habit of not having consistent habits. I supposed it stems from personality traits, like my desire for novelty and my optimistic take on life. But the pandemic has shown that, when the variables are reduced, I can stick to a routine just fine. And in fact, I’ve really benefited from doing so.

Many of us make pronouncements about ourselves and our personalities that are actually habits. that’s fine if the habit is working for us. However, if it’s not, we can change it. I’m not saying it’s easy to do so, but it is always possible. And sometimes, it’s necessary.

For instance, I always thought I did my best work in coffee shops. At a certain point in the day, I needed the white noise, camaraderie, and easy access to caffeine and calories. And then all of the coffee shops on the planet were suddenly off limits, and I had to find another way to get my work done. With no other option, I learned that I can also succeed in solitude.

When faced with a suggestion for how to achieve something, some of us leap to, “that will never work for me.” We’re so convinced that we’re a morning person, or a person who can only do things in long, uninterrupted stretches of time, or a person who doesn’t have a creative bone in their body, or a person who is only motivated by a deadline, that we will dismiss any possibility that is out of alignment with that. As a result, we cut ourselves off from useful tactics that would help us reach our goals. We might even be cutting ourselves off from growth.

I used to think that running late, not knowing what to say in social situations, and dangerous levels of procrastination were part of who I was. In reality, these tendencies were not set in stone. Over time, I sought new information and took new actions, resulting in new outcomes. Eventually, my self-perception changed. I’m not a different person, but I am different.

Every day, we make dozens or even hundreds of decisions, large and small. What to wear, what to eat, what to say, how to spend our time. Each of these decisions is, in a sense, a crossroads in which we get to choose how we want to to be. I can attest to the fact that it can feel really strange to choose the path that is not the one I would normally take, but I have learned a lot from doing so. Above all, I’ve observed that my life is happier and more enjoyable when I challenge myself to drop habits that are no longer working and pick up new ones that are more beneficial.

We might find solace in the belief that we are always this and never that. it is comforting to experience that consistency. It keeps us from having to question things and experience uncertainty. It protects us from having to change. However, our beliefs about who we are might also keep us from being who we want to be.

If we come up against a belief that is incompatible with what we want, we might find that we aren’t so far away from our desire if we are willing to see the possibility that we could do things in a new way. We might have to develop different habits, but those might be in closer reach than we had previously thought. We can experiment with letting go of the way we’ve always done things and see if we like what happens. You never know.