A peek into the process

“Don’t look, don’t stop, don’t look, don’t stop…and definitely don’t talk to him!” (National Library of Medicine)

When I’m working on a particularly challenging project, I keep a document open to capture thoughts along the way. It allows me to start writing even when I don’t know what I’m writing.

Below is an excerpt, embellished and expanded a bit — but entirely real.

***

Okay! I’ve set aside the time to write. Here we go.

Whereas I thought last summer that I needed to get my makeup and lighting right and just start shooting, I now realize that I have to start with a script. So here I am, blinking cursor in front of me.

Now the scary part. What the heck do I do now? How do I write a YouTube script?

What should the topic be?

I can look for the low-hanging fruit. But what is it? 

Ugh, why am I even doing this if I don’t know what I want it to be about? I wanted to do this channel because I had something to say. Do I actually have nothing to say?

First of all, this doesn’t need to be epic. It can just be the same old shitty stuff as always.

But what would I teach someone? 

*goes to take a shower*

Okay, now I know what I want to write about. I can do this.

*writes for awhile*

How long has it been? I feel like I’ve been at this for at least a half hour.

*checks timer*

Twelve minutes? Okay, keep going. Dive back in. You got this.

I’m noticing that I’m coming up with ideas for things to research. I’m so tempted to do that right now, but I’ve discovered that that is a sneaky way to escape the pain of writing. So I’ll just make a list of those things as they come up and research them later. Ah, look at me, doing the work!

*writes some more*

And things to buy. I keep coming up with things I want to buy. Things I need in order to make this work. But no. I’m not opening a new tab.

*writes some more*

It is such a relief to actually be doing this after being stuck on it for so long. It is such a relief to have the clarity to know what to do. I don’t even care whether it’s good or not — I know that by doing something, I’m moving forward.

*writes some more*

Oh my gawwwwwd, how much longer am I going to be sitting here? I can’t keep going.

*keeps going*

“Thanks for watching and don’t forget to subscribe. See you next t—”

*timer goes off*

Holy crap, I did it. I did it!!!

And I’ll do it again tomorrow.